Tips for spending your first Mother’s Day without your mum

Spending your first Mother’s Day without your mum is never an easy thing. Emotions are high, and the reminders of the holiday are everywhere. TV ads, billboards, emails from your favourite brands, it’s a never-ending wave that can stoke painful memories.

With the intensity of it all, it can be tempting to ignore it, hide away, and let yourself hurt. But doing this isn’t necessarily healthy. In fact, many psychologists agree that remembering mum on Mother’s Day is the healthiest way to come to terms with your grief.

And why shouldn’t you celebrate Mother’s Day? There is no better opportunity to celebrate her memory and think back on all the wonderful moments you shared together throughout her life.

So, while it might feel painful and difficult to bring yourself around to the idea of celebrating Mother’s Day without your mum, here are a few suggestions from thortful that you can try out to remember your mum and make the day’s pain just that little bit more bearable.

Think about what your mum would want you to do on Mother’s Day

The idea of stepping up and doing something big in celebration of your mum can be somewhat overwhelming, especially if it’s your first Mother’s Day without her. No one expects you to go all out, and you don’t have to. Doing something small instead is often a lot easy and can also be a lot more meaningful.

So, if a big celebration isn’t appealing to you, then take some time before Mother’s Day to sit down and think about what she’d like you to do for the day. Plan out what you want to do and make sure to disconnect from all forms of media if you want to avoid Mother’s Day reminders.

Here at thortful, we actually offer an option for our email subscribers to opt out of receiving Mother’s Day emails. If you’re thinking of getting a bereaved Mother’s Day card from thortful but don’t want any other reminders, just select the opt out option when it comes to Mother’s Day promotional material.

Whether you practice some self-care, spend time with other family members, or take a moment to think back on some fond memories, simply acknowledging that you’re remembering your mum on Mother’s Day in your own little way can really help.

If all you want to do is buy her favourite flowers, her fave brand of chocolates, and watch her favourite film by yourself, then that’s totally okay too.

Write her a Mother’s Day card

It might sound strange, but the simple act of writing a heartfelt Mother’s Day card can be one of the best ways to help approach the grief of spending your first Mother’s Day without your mum.

Often, it can be quite difficult to fully process emotions in our heads. Taking the time to sit down and write out our thoughts and feelings forces our minds to slow down and gives us an opportunity to actually express everything going on inside us.

If you do choose to write a Mother’s Day card, you can fill it with meaningful messages about how much you miss her, or you could write it as if she were still here, expressing how much she means to you.

There’s no right or wrong way to approach this, and you should do whatever feels right for you.

Spend the day with your siblings or close friends

Seeking solitude might be the right call for some people missing Mum on Mother’s Day, but for others, the idea of being alone can be just as upsetting.

So, as part of celebrating and remembering your mother on Mother’s Day, it never hurts to get together with your siblings or some close friends and spend the day together.

This could involve going for a meal in your mum’s favourite restaurant, or a walk to her favourite location, or you might even want to try doing an activity she used to love. Either way, having company allows you and others to share all the fond memories they have of your mum.

If you find this particularly therapeutic, you could turn this activity into a new tradition, using it as the day in which you celebrate everything great about your mum while honouring her memory in your own unique way.

Visit her grave or where you scattered her ashes

This one can be a bit more difficult for those spending their first Mother’s Day without mum, but if you think you can, then visiting the place where you properly said goodbye to your mum can be a good first step towards finding closure.

Take some time out in your day to visit her grave or the place where you scattered her ashes. Cemeteries are quiet by nature and provide much-needed peace and quiet for some gentle contemplation.

If you’re missing your mum on Mother’s Day, but feel you aren’t ready to visit her place of rest, then a simple alternative could be to plant a small tree or bush in her memory. This will allow you to visit her at any point until you’re ready for an official visit.

Remember that it’s okay to say no to Mother’s Day celebrations

While we’ve discussed some ways in which you can spend Mother’s Day without your mum, at the end of the day, if you’re not sure you’re ready to face this holiday, then that’s perfectly okay.

You need to look after your mental health first. So, even if siblings want you to come to a celebration in her memory, if you’re not ready to go, then you’re under no obligation to attend.

Remember, if all you want to do is disconnect from all forms of media and take the day for yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and you certainly shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Some of our favourite bereaved Mother’s Day cards

If you know someone that’s about to have their first Mother’s Day without their mum, or maybe a mum who’s recently been bereaved, you might want to send a card to support them – but it can be tricky to find the right words. To make the process easier, here are some our personal favourite bereaved Mother’s Day cards, made by our wonderful thortful content creators.

If you’re not sure what to say, we’ve tips on what to write in a sympathy card that you can use to let them know you’re thinking of them.

These are just a few suggestions for what you can do if you’re missing your mum on Mother’s Day. They’re not for everyone, but we hope at least one or two will help to make remembering her on this day just that little bit easier. For more thoughtful tips, check out the rest of the thortful blog.

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