It’s never a good time to see your closest friends upset. It can be soul-crushing, and sometimes you can feel powerless and be at a loss for what to do. If you have ever wondered what would be best to lift your friend out of their funk, we’ve made a fun-fuelled guide to lift their spirits again and make their awful ex a distant memory.
For starters, you could buy them one of our funny breakup cards and bring some humour back into their life. Each of our cards is uniquely crafted with vegan ink and premium paper by our wonderful team of creatives. See our list and pick out one you think they’ll love. I know they’d appreciate it more than anything.
It can be difficult to think of what to say in cards like these, so have a look at our guide on caring and meaningful thinking of you messages, and learn how to properly comfort someone after a breakup.
Lend an ear
Sometimes when our emotions are high, all we need to do is talk them out. Being there to listen to their grievances and their complex emotions is sometimes the only thing they need in that moment. They will want to run scenarios and worries by you to check if they’re valid, and a lot of their logic will fly out the window as they try and work out what went wrong.
A big part of your job is to simply listen. Don’t try to offer too much advice, as it is probably not what they’re looking for or even what they want to hear. All they need is a shoulder to cry on – a rock they can hold onto and cry against until there’s no more tears to give.
Avoid comments like “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” and “This is for the best”, as your friend won’t fully be ready to digest this advice. For them, they’ve suffered a great loss, and the thought of the other fish in the sea might make them spiral even further. This is the stage where they need to process their emotions on their own, and you need to be a vessel for them to pour their heart into.
Sometimes it might be tough, and it might be frustrating when they can’t see sense, but this isn’t about you. Be the rock, lend your ear, and offer your shoulder. And when their fog finally clears, they’ll remember who was there for them in their darkest time.
The best things to say
There’s no exact handbook on how to help a friend going through a breakup. Everyone will react differently and move through the various stages at a different pace, but if you’re thinking what’s best to tell your friend, then consider letting them know how much love still surrounds them. Tell them you will be there no matter what, and to focus on the platonic relationships in their life and on their family who are still there for them to lean on.
What to say to a friend going through a breakup can totally depend on where that person is mentally as well. If they’re leaning more towards anger, then they will probably want to hear the disparaging remarks about their ex so their fire can be fuelled. But if they’re more upset and fixing on old memories, then they will probably need a hug and affirmations that everything will be ok in the end and that they are never alone. So, test the waters with how your friend is feeling, and you can adjust what you are going to tell them accordingly.
Ways to comfort them
If you’re looking for ways to comfort a friend going through a breakup, try a small present like some flowers or a bottle of wine – anything will be appreciated in this difficult time. Taking them out to eat or to watch a film can be just as effective as well. They will need distraction, activities or conversations that will steer their mind away from upsetting thoughts. And don’t forget to remind them how proud you are that they’re getting through it. You want to make sure you’re uplifting them as much as you possibly can, and hopefully, they will come out on the other side much quicker and happier knowing you were there to comfort them.
Be open to helping in any way they need
There will be times when your friend might need to cry into their tub of ice cream and reminisce. Other times, they might want to take you out for a drive and not mention the breakup at all. It’s about circumstance, and you need to let them take the lead.
If your friend needs a night in with a movie and a bottle of wine, do it. If they need a late-night stroll and they’re back to being upset, still do it. There are times when talking about the situation is what they need, but there’s also times when they just want to concentrate on the activity or other things happening in their own life or yours. And if you’re willing to go on this ride with them, it can only boost their mood and give them a reason to stop wallowing and to get out of the house.
And it’s not only ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends that cause upset. Breaking up with a friend can be just as devastating, and if you need help on how to get over a friendship breakup, check out our guide.
Boost their confidence
When the initial moments have passed, it’s time to prop up your friend’s ego. Let them know how hot they look and how amazing they are and try to put the pieces of their heart back together. Convince them they are worth it and their future is bright, no matter how hard it is.
This may be the time your friend needs to get crazy. A wild night out or a friend’s trip might be needed to give them back their confidence that was shattered after the breakup. Be there for them on this journey but also make sure they aren’t overcompensating and taking it too far; it’s easy to fly off the rails when emotions are high.
Help them stay away from social media
The worst thing your friend can do is to constantly keep track of their ex. We’ve all done it. They will want to look back at old pictures, analyse their ex’s latest Instagram stories and create scenarios in their head about what they’re doing and with who. It’s a slippery slope. Not only does it prevent your friend from moving on, but it also opens old wounds and keeps them clinging to the past and asking, “what if?” The best advice for someone going through a breakup is to keep away from the apps and focus on the present before them.
If you keep your friend busy, you can make sure they’re not endlessly checking their phones for texts or social media updates. Keep them fixed on the moment. Try going for a hike and take in the beauty of nature, or suggest an activity where there’s a focus, like pottery making or bowling. Try anything that doesn’t involve screen time. In the long run, their mental health will be better off.
Get mad!
If enough time has passed, your friend’s rose-tinted glasses should be firmly put away. Now you can both see and talk about their ex in a negative light (and you can finally get off your chest what you have wanted to say from the beginning). “You were too good for them anyway!” “Remember how awful they acted in front of your family?!” “Imagine letting you go, what a mistake.” Enough time will have passed for your friend to acknowledge these opinions, and hopefully, they will agree and join in.
Soon your friend will realise they are better off. The fog will lift, and all they will remember is how much you were there for them when they needed it the most. And not each of their friends will play the same role in helping them through their breakup. Our list of types of friends in a friendship group might help you decide who should take on which aspect of the grieving process. Maybe send them one of our love and friendship cards to show your appreciation. Looking after your friend is a team effort, and you must remember to look out for yourself during all this. You can’t keep them happy if you’re not happy yourself.
If you have enjoyed our insights, we have plenty more advice and tips on the thortful blog. Tackling tricky friendship situations can be daunting, and we’re always here to help.
