The secret to long-lasting relationships

Once the honeymoon phase is over, maintaining a long-lasting relationship doesn’t come without its challenges. When you’ve been together a while, everyday life—grabbing the groceries, doing the dishes, and taxiing the kids around—often takes priority over date nights and quality time. But what about those couples who’ve been together for 10+ years? There must be some sort of secret ingredient to their happiness, right?

Well, it’s with this in mind that we’ve carried out a survey to find out! We decided to speak with a handful of people whose relationships have stood the test of time, enquiring whether it’s all down to luck or whether there’s a golden ticket to success.

We also reached out to dating and relationship expert Caroline Bloom for professional insights on the topic. Intrigued? Dive into a full rundown of our findings below!

What would you say has been your key to a long-lasting relationship?

First up, we asked our participants about the secret ingredients to a long-lasting relationship. From effective communication to focusing on life’s smaller gestures, we uncovered a bunch of useful insights!

Sophie Barker, who’s been with her partner since they were 17 (now going on 10 years), discussed the importance of trust and acts of service. She said “Taking the time to listen to each other, being yourself, and having a laugh is important. If one person isn’t feeling 100%, then taking the time to pick more stuff up at home, i.e. doing the food shop/cooking/washing up is key.”

Next, Tom Lanaway, who’s been with his other half for 11 years, emphasised the importance of communication: “Having the ability to see a problem separate to ourselves and figure it out together is important. Best example, we argued for years about washing dishes (I hate washing dishes) but we realised Beth hates cooking (I love cooking), so now I do all the cooking and Beth does all the washing up – problem solved!”

Andy Moody, who will be celebrating 13 years with his partner in April, offered us five handy insights:

  1. “The biggest thing for us is keeping your relationship inside your relationship. Everyone will often have opinions on things which is fine to take, but we never make decisions without discussing things first. As we have grown, we now keep most discussions private to us and rarely ask friends/family for advice.”
  2. “Realising that a relationship is never 50/50. It changes from being 60/40 effort from one partner and then 80/20 from the other partner another time. If you start going tit for tat on effort, then things will never work. The big thing is realising when you have been on the smaller % for a while.”
  3. “The small things matter more than big presents, if you are getting a cuppa, offer one! If you are going to the fridge, ask if they want anything, run your wife a bath when she gets in from work, grab her favourite sweet treats when you are at the shop.”
  4. “Spending time by yourself is fine, you do not need to spend all your time with your partner. Realising when your partner needs 20 minutes to themselves is golden.”
  5. “Never go to bed angry.”

Our fourth participant, Andreea Popa, has been with her other half for just over ten years. They met at university and are now expecting their first baby. She believes self-development is key to a long-lasting relationship, revealing: “Looking back, I’d say the best thing we did for our relationship was working on our self-development, i.e. therapy, cultivating hobbies and friendships, and understanding ourselves better. This really helped us improve our self-confidence and communication as a couple which is a massive help in tackling daily problems and navigating those hard conversations. The way we argue now is completely different from how it was at the start of the relationship as we’re trying to understand each other’s point of view and leave our egos aside. Most times it’s us against the problem, not one against the other.”

James Fernando has the longest-lasting relationship out of our interviewees. He’s been with his partner for 18 years and pins the relationship’s success on honesty and fun. James revealed: “We are really honest with each other, always have been – but in the right way. As Pip always says, “honesty without tact, is just cruelty”. Another thing is we always try to have fun and make each other laugh- that’s very important to me that one. Spending time together, planning weekends away, going for meals, even going for a walk, but also having your own identity away from the relationship.”

Do you think it’s important to do ‘embarrassing things’ in front of your partner?

From snoring to farting, as well as pigging out and using the toilet with the door wide open, is it possible to get a little too comfortable with your other half? We did some digging to see whether the above strengthen a relationship or whether they’re perhaps a step too far…

Sophie: “I completely agree that all of this makes a stronger relationship, just being yourself and letting your guard down is the key!”

Tom: “We do all of them, so yes.”

Andy: “You should feel comfortable to do whatever you want in front of your partner apart from when you need a number 2. Shut the door, nobody wants to smell that.”

Andreea: “Yes, 100%! Your partner should be the person you feel most comfortable around, and in time you sort of find the right balance for you as a couple when it comes to doing embarrassing things but also keeping some things to yourself, as you still want them to find you attractive.”

James: “I wouldn’t say the above strengthens our relationship, yet I do all the above! We’ve been together 18 years, so we are at our most comfortable with each other, but I know it annoys her that I do most of the above.”

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Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

And finally, when asked whether they typically celebrate the day of love, we got a mixed bag of responses. Sophie revealed, “We’ve never celebrated it by buying each other gifts/going out for meals, but we acknowledge that it is Valentine’s Day.” Tom on the other hand mentioned the importance of quality time, revealing, “Yes, every year, we usually go away to the Lakes for some time in nature.”

Andreea said “We celebrate Valentine’s Day by going out for a nicer meal or buying a cute card, however we don’t overdo it with the presents. We’re pretty good at surprising each other with thoughtful gestures and little gifts throughout the year anyway.” James expressed a similar sentiment, revealing that they’ll always do “a silly gift but nothing too over the top.” And finally, Andy answered: “No, I don’t need a day to tell my wife I love her or give her a gift.”

So, it’s clear that celebrations vary from couple to couple, with some leaning into the fun of the festivities with a cute gift and card, and others doing away with gifting completely. The key takeaway from this is that it’s all about going with what works for you and your other half!

Dating and relationship expert, Clarissa Bloom, shares her top tips for a long-lasting relationship

We also spoke to Clarissa Bloom (dating and relationship expert for The Stag Company) to gain insider insights on what makes a relationship last:

Communication.

“One of the most important aspects in a healthy long-term relationship is a strong form of communication. There needs to be trust, a strong bond formed through clear communication. Feeling safe to be honest with each other and to talk about important subjects will make a huge difference.”

Mutual respect.

“Both sides need to listen and to discuss any potential issue or problem. This eagerness to grow will help the relationship flourish. In fact, I often find that tackling an issue really does build a bond between couples, whereas most try to avoid any form of conflict when this can be a great long-term experience.”

Having a shared goal.

“Having a shared goal, dream, or personal interest can be significant. Whether it’s launching a blog together, creating the dream house project, or travelling the world, if you’re both aligned in your interests then this can create a strong bond. It also makes conversations very interesting when passions and motives are shared.”

Effort.

“I have surveyed couples numerous times in the past and most stop having ‘date nights’ at the two-year mark. It doesn’t have to be a ‘date night’, but ensuring you keep those shared moments together is critical. Spending time together and trying out activities you will both enjoy can help keep a relationship strong.”

Well, there we have it: our insights on what makes a relationship last from those in long-term partnerships!

From having frank discussions to having tonnes of fun, there are a bunch of ways in which you can keep the spark alive. So, whether you’ve been with your other half ten months or ten years, bear the above tips in mind to ensure smooth sailing (most of the time).

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