When someone you love experiences a miscarriage, the fear of saying the wrong thing often leaves people saying nothing at all, and that silence can feel terribly lonely.
We’ve partnered with the brilliant charity Miscarriage UK to change that conversation with a dedicated card range designed by real humans who truly get it. One of those talented creators is Laura Lonsdale, who stepped into the studio to design for this collection after her own personal fertility and loss journey. We spoke to Laura about navigating grief, revisiting painful memories to create something gentle, and bringing warmth into life’s hardest moments
What made you want to get involved with the Miscarriage UK range, and did your own fertility journey shape that decision?
My husband and I experienced a miscarriage around four years ago, and it was one of the most heartbreaking times we’ve been through. We had gone through our 7th round of IVF in the hope of having a sibling for our daughter, so when we found out the treatment had worked, we were absolutely over the moon. We were so excited and had started imagining what life would look like as a family of four. To then experience such a huge loss was devastating.
I think that experience has stayed with me and definitely shaped my decision to get involved with the Miscarriage UK range. I know how difficult it can be to find the right words, both when you’re the person going through it and when you’re the person trying to support someone you love.
I’m naturally quite a happy and positive person, so I suppose my instinct is always to try to bring a little bit of warmth and kindness into difficult situations. I’d love for my cards to do exactly that, to give people a way of saying, “I’m here, I’m thinking of you, and I haven’t forgotten.”
If something I’ve created can make someone feel a tiny bit less alone during such a difficult time, that would mean so much to me.
A lot of people say existing sympathy cards don't feel right for this kind of loss. Was there anything from your own fertility journey that you specifically wanted your designs to capture, or avoid?
The whole reason I started my brand was because I wanted to create cards for those occasions and situations where words just aren’t enough. The really tricky ones. The moments where you stand in the card shop thinking, “What on earth do I say?”
Miscarriage is absolutely one of those situations. People often don’t know what to say because they’re worried about saying the wrong thing, and I completely understand that. But I think saying something and acknowledging someone’s loss can be so much more comforting than saying nothing at all.
With these designs, I wanted to create something heartfelt and thoughtful without being overly sad or clinical. I wanted them to feel gentle, warm and full of love, while still recognising that this is a very real and very significant loss.
Sometimes a card might only have a few words on it, but those words can mean so much when they come from the heart. I think that’s the magic of a really good card…. it can say the thing you’re struggling to say yourself!
Were there any moments along your fertility journey where you remember a card, message, or gesture that genuinely helped, or the one that missed the mark?
I think one of the things I remember most is how much it hurt when people said nothing or avoided the subject. I completely understand why people do it….they don’t know what to say, they don’t want to upset you, and sometimes they probably think giving you space is the kindest thing. But when you’re grieving, that silence can feel so so lonely.
I did receive some lovely cards and gifts, though, and they meant so much to me. They made me feel loved and, importantly, they made me feel like our baby and our loss hadn’t been forgotten.
One little gesture has stayed with me in particular. Someone gave me a packet of forget-me-not seeds. It was such a simple thing, but it really touched me. I planted them in our garden and they became a little living reminder.
It actually inspired one of the miscarriage cards I’ve since designed, which feels really special. Something that brought me comfort during one of the hardest times in my life has now become part of something I hope can bring comfort to someone else.
What was the hardest part of designing for a subject this personal, and how did you approach it?
I don’t think you can create something this personal without revisiting your own experience. There were definitely moments where I found myself thinking back to that time and remembering feelings I hadn’t thought about for a while.
It was an incredibly hard time for us, and I think grief is something you carry with you. It changes shape over time, but it never completely disappears.
At the same time, I think my own experience has made me much more aware of other people’s feelings and of how important it is to acknowledge someone’s loss. I’ve always been a very people-focused person, and I think that’s a big part of why I love what I do.
I tried not to let the sadness be the only thing that came through in the designs. I wanted there to be warmth and hope too. Ultimately, I’m creating cards because I want to connect people, and I hope these cards can help someone say, “I’m thinking of you” when they might otherwise not know how.
If something painful that happened to me can help someone else feel seen, supported or a little less alone, then that feels really meaningful.
What do you hope someone feels when they receive one of your cards?
I think I’d just want them to feel comforted, cared about and held… even if it’s just for a little moment.
I’d also hope they feel that their loss has been acknowledged and that their baby hasn’t been forgotten. Grief isn’t something that should be swept under the rug because it makes other people uncomfortable. Every loss is profound, and every baby is loved and deserves to be remembered.
I know these cards can’t take away someone’s pain, and I wouldn’t want them to try to. But perhaps they can bring a little bit of love into a really difficult day, or make someone feel less alone.
I think that’s what I love most about cards generally. They’re such a small thing, but they can hold so much feeling. You can keep one, put it somewhere special and come back to it years later.
I’d love these cards to feel like a little hug on paper. Something that says, “I see you. I’m thinking of you. Your baby mattered, and you don’t have to go through this feeling alone.”
Vicki Robinson, Miscarriage UK Chief Executive, said:
“We’re delighted to be partnering with Thortful on this collection of cards for anyone supporting someone through pregnancy loss. Pregnancy loss is a major life event, and when someone we care about is going through it, it can be difficult to know what to say or how to offer support. Simply letting someone know you’re thinking of them can mean a great deal. We hope these cards make it a little easier to reach out, acknowledge someone’s loss and remind them that they’re not alone.”
A simple card can’t take away someone’s pain, but it can make a incredibly difficult day feel a little less isolated. By supporting our independent creators and our partnership with Miscarriage UK, you’re helping ensure that no parent’s loss is swept under the rug.
Take a look through the full range below:
