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Christmas wouldn’t be the same without some classic traditions - like a Christmas cracker, stuffed with a paper hat and some truly lame jokes.
Yes, they might be groanworthy, but to celebrate the festive season, we’re creating an index of the best (or should that be worst?) Christmas cracker jokes.
From punishable puns to jokes cheesier than a slab of Wensleydale, we want you to vote for your favourite Christmas cracker jokes – or submit your own, and see if you can outdo the classics.
Submit Your Joke
*Notes / T&Cs: Please do not submit any offensive content. All content is moderated, so please give us a bit of time to review. By submitting you agree that it may be used for card content.
1
Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
2
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
3
Why are christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
4
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
5
Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
6
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
7
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
8
What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are so last season
9
What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
10
What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
11
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
12
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
13
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
14
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no body to go with.
15
What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread? Loaf Actually.
16
What goes ha ha ha clonk? A man laughing his head off!
17
What did the sea say to Santa? Nothing! It just waved!
18
What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
19
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from? Fleece Navidad!
20
Which of Santa’s reindeer have the worst manners? Rude-olph
