{"id":20188,"date":"2026-04-10T14:49:45","date_gmt":"2026-04-10T13:49:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog-content.thortful.com\/?p=20188"},"modified":"2026-04-10T14:49:45","modified_gmt":"2026-04-10T13:49:45","slug":"creating-a-village","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog-content.thortful.com\/creating-a-village\/","title":{"rendered":"How to overcome catch-up culture: creating a village"},"content":{"rendered":"

As the social shift towards\u00a0\u2018protecting your peace\u2019\u00a0grows, have we lost the art of being a good friend?\u00a0Boundaries\u00a0are\u00a0obviously\u00a0important,\u00a0but\u00a0so is showing up\u00a0and being there for someone when they need it most\u00a0(even if\u00a0it\u2019s\u00a0a little inconvenient).<\/p>\n

Nowadays, even when we do get together,\u00a0catch-up culture has turned coffee dates into\u00a0mini interviews.\u00a0We\u00a0go around the table, lattes in hand,\u00a0ticking off life updates\u00a0to keep everyone in the loop:\u00a0\u201cJob\u2019s alright\u2026 yeah the holiday was\u00a0really\u00a0fun\u2026\u00a0you got any\u00a0nice\u00a0birthday\u00a0plans?\u201d.\u00a0Meanwhile, the real stuff, like the messy chaos of doing life together gets\u00a0pushed to the side and forgotten about.<\/p>\n

Relationship expert,\u00a0Sophie\u202fPersonne<\/a>,\u00a0sums this up,\u00a0stating:\u00a0\u201cThere\u2019s\u202fbeen a shift towards a more individual \u2018me first\u2019 mindset. People are\u00a0prioritising themselves as well as their time,\u202fenergy\u202fand peace, which means friendships take more of a back seat.\u201d\u00a0She goes on to explain that while protecting your peace\u00a0isn\u2019t\u00a0inherently wrong,\u00a0\u201cthe balance is knowing the difference between something that genuinely drains us and something that just requires a bit of effort.\u201d<\/p>\n

So,\u00a0in what ways are we\u00a0falling short as friends?\u00a0And what\u00a0actually makes\u00a0people feel valued in friendships? We surveyed 1,000 Brits\u00a0to find out!\u00a0(Spoiler alert: if you want a village,\u00a0you\u2019ve\u00a0got to be a villager).<\/p>\n

What do friendships look like today?<\/h2>\n

First,\u00a0let\u2019s\u00a0take a quick look at what friendships look like today.\u00a0From our survey, we found that\u00a0most people (17%) have a\u00a0few separate\u00a0friends that they\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0see often,\u00a0while 16% have separate friends that they see\u00a0much more\u00a0regularly.\u00a0Meanwhile, 15% have a solid group of friends that they see most of the time.<\/p>\n

Gender differences reveal some interesting patterns too,\u00a0with men being more likely to have a solid group that they see regularly (20%), compared to just 10% of women.\u00a0Women,\u00a0however,\u00a0are more likely to have multiple groups of friends that they see\u00a0often\u00a0(12%).\u00a0What\u2019s\u00a0more, women\u00a0are also twice as likely to have one solid friend that they see\u00a0regularly\u00a0(10%), compared to 5% of men.<\/p>\n

Overall, despite discussions around male loneliness, we found that men tend to see their friends more often than women do.<\/p>\n

When friends let us down<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Despite regular\u00a0meetups, friendships\u00a0aren\u2019t\u00a0always smooth sailing, and sometimes people let us down.\u00a0This\u00a0isn\u2019t\u00a0always in the dramatic, movie-style betrayal type of way, but in the\u00a0everyday, disappointing moments\u00a0like a missed call or a\u00a0cancelled\u00a0plan.<\/p>\n

Our survey found that\u00a023%\u00a0of people have had a friend cancel on them last minute, with a further\u00a014% mentioning that this happens\u00a0pretty regularly.\u00a0Around 22% also noticed\u00a0that their friends have stopped\u00a0making an effort\u00a0with them once they get into a romantic relationship,\u00a0prioritising spending time with their significant other\u00a0instead.<\/p>\n

In terms of\u00a0showing up when it matters most, 16% said that their friends often\u00a0fail to\u00a0check up on them, with\u00a0a similar number\u00a0mentioning that their\u00a0friends\u00a0only\u00a0ever\u00a0check in when they need something.<\/p>\n

Interestingly, men and women are\u00a0almost\u00a0equally\u00a0guilty when it comes to letting friendships slide\u00a0after entering a relationship\u00a0(22%\u00a0of\u00a0women\u00a0and\u00a021%\u00a0of\u00a0men\u00a0admit to this), however, we found that women report feeling let down slightly more\u00a0in general.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re\u00a0not saying that friendship needs to be perfect\u00a0all of\u00a0the time, but\u00a0across the board, it\u00a0does look\u00a0like we could be doing more to show up for\u00a0our\u00a0pals\u00a0when they need us.<\/p>\n

What makes us feel valued in a friendship?<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

On the\u00a0flip side,\u00a0let\u2019s\u00a0dive into the things that make us feel the most valued as a friend.\u00a0Most people (42%)\u00a0feel\u00a0valued when a friend checks up on them, with 34% mentioning the importance\u00a0of being there during\u00a0trickier\u00a0times.\u00a0Remembering the\u00a0little details\u00a0is also\u00a0important, with around a third of people mentioning that they feel valued when friends remember birthdays, coffee orders, and other significant dates.<\/p>\n

Being thought of and included in plans makes 28% feel valued, while\u00a025% feel loved when a friend notices that something is wrong. We found that celebrating successes together matters too\u00a0(21%),\u00a0as well as small, unexpected gestures, like a\u00a0message or a surprise\u00a0friendship card<\/a>\u00a0through the post (20%).<\/p>\n

Interestingly,\u00a0face-to-face\u00a0interactions\u00a0make men\u00a0feel the most valued,\u00a0with\u00a018% favouring physical presence rather than texting.\u00a0Women, on the other hand, feel the most valued through thoughtful gestures:\u00a044% said that they feel\u00a0loved\u00a0when a friend checks in on them,\u00a0and\u00a036%\u00a0appreciate\u00a0it when a friend remembers\u00a0something.<\/p>\n

While the survey tells us\u00a0what\u00a0people value, Sophie\u00a0explains how we can\u00a0put these habits into practice. She says\u00a0that while\u00a0\u201cconnection\u00a0used to happen naturally through daily life,\u00a0we now\u202fhave to\u202fbe more intentional\u00a0with it.\u201d\u00a0From this, she offers some\u00a0simple ways in which we can show up for our friends:<\/p>\n