{"id":17948,"date":"2025-01-31T14:46:56","date_gmt":"2025-01-31T14:46:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog-content.thortful.com\/?p=17948"},"modified":"2026-08-26T10:48:12","modified_gmt":"2026-08-26T09:48:12","slug":"the-secret-to-long-lasting-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog-content.thortful.com\/the-secret-to-long-lasting-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"The secret to a long-lasting relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s be honest, we all have our relationship bugbears, and there are sometimes just those everyday habits that your partner does which end up driving you up the wall. We\u2019re talking along the lines of always forgetting to replace the loo role, constantly being on their phone, and pretending to listen but ultimately getting caught out later after they act surprised when you bring the subject up again.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s with these things in mind that we\u2019ve carried out a survey to find out more about how bugbears can impact people\u2019s relationships!<\/p>\n

After all, your partner\u2019s bad habits can definitely be frustrating but also equally endearing and make them, well, them! In fact, 17% of Brits say that bugbears make them love their partner more, and that they make a joke out of it and find that it bonds them. But enough spoilers; let\u2019s get into the results from our survey, and you can see for yourself.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

What are the biggest relationship bugbears for Brits?<\/h2>\n

When it comes to the top relationship bugbear, this turned out to be \u2018acting surprised when I say something because they never listened to me previously\u2019, according to over a quarter of Brits (28%, to be precise).<\/p>\n

Obviously, this is quite a broad bugbear and could apply to many different conversation topics, but if you\u2019re at least wanting them to pay attention when it comes to discussing plans, why not set up a shared calendar? That way, they\u2019ve got no excuse for making out like it\u2019s the first time they\u2019ve heard that you\u2019re off on a night out!<\/p>\n

Next up on the relationship bugbear list is \u2018always on their phone\u2019, as voted for by 27% of our respondents. We\u2019re all aware how addictive devices are, and nowadays it\u2019s hard to bring down your screentime, but the most important thing is to make sure it doesn\u2019t take over your relationship.<\/p>\n

One way to potentially avoid this coming up as often is by having a designated no-tech period of time, or maybe even a full-on date night, so that you can make sure to give each other your undivided attention without screens.<\/p>\n

Rounding out our top three, precisely a quarter of Brits (25%) noted that always being left to be the decision-maker was a particular pet peeve. When you think about this one a bit more, it\u2019s actually quite heartwarming as it implies that these people really value an equal relationship and their partner\u2019s opinion.<\/p>\n

Simply taking it in turns to organise a date night, deciding on meals for the next week, or even narrowing down some potential locations for where to go on holiday next is an easy way to make sure you\u2019re both sharing the responsibility.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

What are the real consequences of bugbears on a relationship?<\/h2>\n

Thankfully, the most popular response from Brits (17%) when asked how they react to these bugbears is that, ultimately, it makes them love their partner more, and they\u2019re able to make a joke out of it and use it to bond further.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s worth noting that when you spend all this time with someone, it\u2019s natural for these things to build up over time into something bigger. This is evidenced by survey responses we received on how a small matter often turns into a huge argument (15%), responding with the silent treatment (14%), or becoming passive-aggressive (7%).<\/p>\n

With just 8% of respondents admitting that they have split up with a partner because of bugbear repetitions, this might initially sound like a bit of a disheartening stat, but there\u2019s also the flip side where it\u2019s clearly not a big enough factor to cause mass break-ups.<\/p>\n

In the end, it\u2019s important to remember that nobody is perfect, and we all have habits that somebody else may consider to be a \u2018bugbear\u2019. The main thing is how you both move forward and avoid it impacting your relationship, and if you\u2019re with someone you consider to be the love of your life (which we hope is the case!), then there should be no need for it to come between the two of you.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

How often do couples actually argue about bugbears?<\/h2>\n

As we mentioned in the last section, whilst it\u2019s not a relationship dealbreaker, bugbears can sometimes result in real arguments between a couple, but just how often does this happen?<\/p>\n

Referring back to our survey data, two in five respondents (40%) said that this happens less than once a week, which only goes to show just how minor bugbears really are in the grand scheme of things. It also further backs up the fact that a lot of couples probably end up bantering with their partner about it.<\/p>\n

Just over a third (35%) did say that for them it\u2019s probably somewhere around 1-2 times a week, which, if we do some quick maths, does mean that up to 104 arguments could be purely related to getting frustrated by someone\u2019s annoying habit. Yet, to turn this into a positive, this also means there are then 104 potential opportunities that could instead be made into a joke.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what the experts had to say about our research<\/h2>\n

For an expert opinion on our research, we spoke to Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, a divorce lawyer, relationship coach and author of\u00a0\u201cHow to Stay Together: 12 Daily Habits to Strengthen Your Relationship,\u201d and this is what she had to say:<\/p>\n

After 30+ years as a divorce lawyer in the relationship trenches, I know the little things can cause surprisingly big rows. But bugbears don’t necessarily mean a relationship is in trouble. In fact, I love that nearly 1 in 3 Brits say their partner’s annoying habits actually make them love them more.\u00a0Sometimes the quirks are part of the person you love.<\/p>\n

1. How should couples talk about bugbears, rather than staying silent and letting resentment build?<\/h3>\n

Raise little irritations while they’re still little. Talk about the behaviour, not their entire personality:\u00a0\u201cCould you pop your mug in the dishwasher<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0beats\u00a0\u201cWhy do you always leave everything just lying around?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0My rule:\u00a0If it\u2019s bothering you, say it early and kindly before it becomes a big grudge.<\/p>\n

2. What are the best ways to turn bugbears into something lighter or funnier that brings couples closer?<\/h3>\n

Turn the bugbear into an inside joke, not just another row.\u00a01<\/sup>Research has found that couples who laugh together more tend to feel closer and happier.\u201d Wet towels? Introduce a 50p fine. Mug abandoned beside the dishwasher?\u00a0Encourage them: \u201cNearly there, darling. Just six more inches.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

3. If a bugbear happens weekly, what can couples do so it doesn’t get on top of them?<\/h3>\n

Change the system, not the volume.\u00a0If nagging hasn’t worked for ten years, shouting louder in year eleven isn’t the breakthrough. Shoes everywhere? Basket by the door. Keys constantly missing? Give them a home. Sometimes saving your sanity really is that super simple.<\/p>\n

4. How should couples prioritise themselves rather than letting small issues and everyday life get in the way?<\/h3>\n

Protect little pockets of\u00a0\u201cus\u201d time. Coffee together, a proper kiss hello, hand-in-hand stroll or ten phone-free minutes. With\u00a0nearly 1 in 3 couples naming phone use as a bugbear, please just put the phones down! It really matters! 2<\/sup>Research backs this up too! Being phone snubbed or \u201cphubbing\u201d is linked to lower relationship satisfaction and less intimacy.<\/p>\n

5. Should bugbears worry us?<\/h3>\n

Usually, no.\u00a0Love comes with bugbears. It\u2019s part of the package. What worries me is when irritation becomes contempt e.g., constant eye-rolling, mockery, insults or disgust. Relationship researcher 3<\/sup>John Gottman identifies contempt as the strongest predictor of relationship breakdown.<\/p>\n

6. What about the biggest bugbears and best advice?<\/h3>\n

Not listening tops the list (28%). And underneath the \u201cYou never listen\u201d<\/em>\u00a0is often the sad feelings of \u201cI don’t feel heard.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0So please just put the phone down, look at them and actually really listen. 1 in 4 of us say \u2018can’t make a decision\u2019<\/em> is a big bugbear. So try giving them an either-or. If still nothing?\u00a0Then over to you to decide. And the 23% who say\u00a0\u201cI’m fine\u201d <\/em>(23%)\u00a0when they\u2019re clearly anything but, try saying \u201cBabe, \u2018I\u2019m fine\u2019 isn\u2019t giving me much to work with. What\u2019s really up?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

My divorce-lawyer rule?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t sweat the small stuff. If it\u2019s really driving you nuts, then say it early in a nice way before they become the big stuff. Fix what you can, talk about what matters and just have a good laugh about the rest. <\/strong>Trust me, divorce is a very expensive way to deal with bugbears.\u201d<\/p>\n

Celebrate your love with one of our original anniversary cards<\/h2>\n

Whether you\u2019re already in a long-lasting relationship or are on your way there, be sure to mark the date that the two of you got together and make their day by picking up something special from our collection of anniversary cards<\/a>.<\/p>\n

With thousands of original designs available in all sorts of styles, we reckon we\u2019ve got the perfect option for pretty much all relationships. Maybe you can even find one that pokes fun at a bugbear of theirs?<\/p>\n

\"Pretty
\"Louise

Louise Jewell<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Cute
\"Kirsty

Kirsty Custard Arts<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Cute
\"Fiona

Fiona Sutherland<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Funny
\"Mona

Mona Mauve<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Funny
\"Jeffrey

Jeffrey & Janice<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Cheeky
\"Wink

Wink Design - Michelle Lancaster<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Rude
\"Kelly

Kelly Hunt Designs<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Cute
\"Ellie

Ellie Ellie<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Funny
\"Jade

Jade Muat-Dodd<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div>

\"Cute
\"Odd

Odd Socks<\/p><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s be honest, we all have our relationship bugbears, and there are sometimes just those everyday habits that your partner does which end up driving you up the wall. We\u2019re talking along the lines of always forgetting to replace the loo role, constantly being on their phone, and pretending to listen but ultimately getting caught…<\/p>\nRead More<\/a>","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":20540,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[471],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secret to a Long-Lasting Relationship | thortful<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In this blog, we break down thortful\u2019s new research revealing the biggest relationship bugbears for Brits and the real consequences this can have.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blog-content.thortful.com\/the-secret-to-long-lasting-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta 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